Just a funny story

Last night MFB and I met friends at a local Asian BYO called Pingpong. On our way to dinner we grabbed the only chilled bottle of white wine left in our fridge—a fluorescent blue bottle of kosher Moscato. The bottle had been in our fridge since Passover and we’d debated opening it over a dozen times. It was given to us by M’s dad, who assured us he wasn’t just trying to get rid of it, but that it really was a tasty Italian wine regardless of the kosher label. I’d been skeptical since day one but finally agreed to satisfy M’s curiosity and take the wine to dinner.

Pingpong is a popular spot in our area so the 45 minute wait was no surprise. The mix of unoriginal/slutty Halloween costumes on display kept me occupied, while my fiance found it amusing to create hand images on the wall art. Recognizing our need for a drink, the host offered to open our Moscato. M tasted it first. “Oh, you’ll like it,” he said to me with utter confidence. I smelled it. Tasted it. Blech! “I’m not drinking this! It tastes….kosher!” By kosher I mean it tasted like cheap chardonnay mixed with 4 packets of sweet n’ low and a little seltzer for some fizzle. I brought our glasses back to the host and told him to ditch the Moscato.

I sent M 5 blocks away to the nearest wine store. Thus, I happily enjoyed my mu shu with a non kosher glass of pinot grigio. Mid meal I noticed M intensely staring at the table behind us. I glanced over my shoulder only to see the fluorescent blue bottle of Moscato chilling in a cooler only a table away. Could it be? I turned again, at which point M and I catch the random patrons cringing at the smell and taste of the wine. The man turns the bottle giving us a clear view of the label. Yup – that’s it. The label even has M’s name written on it. The host probably thought he was hooking it up for some lucky couple. Somehow those folks managed to battle their way through the entire bottle.

Moral of the story: There will be no kosher wine at my wedding. Or in my fridge. Ever again.