Today's most emailed

I was interested to see that the most popular emailed story on nytimes.com today is Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying. I emailed the article to Matt yesterday. Maybe you mailed it to someone too. Having been together for 5 years we’ve discussed all of these questions at one point or another, and some of them over and over. And I’m sure some will be discussed again and again throughout the course of life.

A couple of my answers:

Question 7 was a no-brainer.
7) Will there be a television in the bedroom?
I need Jay Leno to put me to sleep at night and Meredith Vieira to get me going in the morning. Matt needs it so he can flip to Sports Center when I’m in the middle of watching whatever I’m watching. But seriously, I understand why people would not want a TV in the bedroom. The bedroom is for intimacy and conversation blah, blah, blah.

You laugh, but Questions 11 and 12 are dear to my heart:
11) Do we value and respect each other’s parents, and is either of us concerned about whether the parents will interfere with the relationship?
12) What does my family do that annoys you?
Matt and I have very caring families, and with that said even the best family can rock the boat once and a while. I know what annoys him and he knows what annoys me. We actually discussed this in the car other night. We decided we will mentally block out what we don't like, smile, and move on. I've heard some wacky in-law stories recently so I'm quite thankful for our farely drama-free situation. But as I’m learning, it takes respect, communication and understanding to keep family happy.

My grandmother’s nurse moved into her daughter’s house when her grandchild was born not long ago. The nurse insisted that she sleep in the same room as her daughter and the baby, and made her daughter’s husband move to another room. He eventually moved out (and back in not long after). That is a prime example of too much parental interference. My advice: don’t let that happen.

Next, Question 14 – one of my all time favorites.
14) If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
This is a challenging one to answer because both Matt and I are so close to our families. We currently live in Chicago where we are near his parents, and I get a little teary every time my family gets together without me. At the same time I am an opportunist. If either of us happens to get our dream job in let’s say, St. Tropez, then who knows…Matt’s dream job is at Bono’s hedge fund, Elevation Partners, based in California. If he got a job there, then you bet I’m there. So if anyone has a Bono connection please let me know.

Marriage/wedding things that I think about

I still take off my engagement ring when I exercise and when I go to bed. Do most people do this? I have these visions that one day my ring is going to be scratched by a free weight. Then I see girls at the gym wearing their wedding rings and it makes me wonder if I’m breaking some sacrilegious oath for taking it off. I take it off when I play tennis because what if it got permanently blemished from the black tape on my grip? That would be ugly. My mother told me never, ever to take my ring off. She’s now caught me on the EFX sans wedding ring and brushing my teeth pre-bedtime sans wedding ring. It’s like committing a crime.

Another thing that I think about is carving stations at cocktail hours. I know it sounds weird. I nixed the carving station at our cocktail hour because the thought of serving slabs of turkey and roast beef seems so 1980s to me. Is that wrong? I had to fight my dad a little on this one because he comes from a family of kosher butchers who will be at the wedding and will anticipate the presence of carving station. He still doesn’t understand why sushi gets all the hype. Pigs in a blanket we agree on.

I also think about my honeymoon. I’m going to Italy for two weeks. That’s one darn expensive trip. My parents said the groom’s parents traditionally pay for the honeymoon. My dad’s parents did. What’s the deal with that? Plus, should I be saving money for my honeymoon? I probably should. But I’ve never been so good at the art of saving.

Lastly, I’m nervous that when everyone comes out to do the hora the dance floor is going to be way too crowded. There’s nothing worse than a hora that doesn’t move. You wiggle your way into the circle only to stand there and nudge the people next to you. Eventually someone starts their own line with 5 people and it looks silly. In my perfect wedding dream I have a huge, uncrowded hora where no one gets their toes smashed and I don’t fall off the chair.

Getting back to where I left off…I’m already nervous about my wedding coordinator. She hasn’t returned my phone calls or emails for more than a week. I see this as a bad sign. Just because I return all emails faster than the speed of light doesn’t mean I expect the rest of the world to do the same, but c’mon who doesn’t check their email at least once over the course of a week?! Or listen to their voicemail? What if she pulls this same incommunicato stunt in June? Then I’m really screwed. I’ll give her another day or two. Then, syinara wedding lady.

In my last post I failed to include the background on my hair stylist, Tommy, who unlike the wedding planner has not yet pissed me off. Where as I can spend hours researching, days debating, and months testing out my options, my mother makes decisions 1-2-3. Tommy is an example. Tommy, who recently gave her "the best cut ever" is also her new gay best friend. It is my summation that in an attempt to seal her best friend status she hired him for the wedding. I have to admit I was a little shocked when she so ecstatically called to inform me that she found the perfect hair person for the wedding. I thought I’d be involved in the decision making process somehow…Long story short, I met him and loved him and so now we’re all best friends. And everyone will have gorgeous hair.

It’s December and as my cardio kickboxing instructor said last night, the perfect time to evaluate your goals. My goal is to make it through the month without kicking my bridal diet to the curb. Lots of holiday parties require lots of will-power. Boo.

And one last funny story: Last Saturday night M and I went out to celebrate our friend’s 31st birthday at this hipster dance club in Lakeview. Apparently the beat of the music and those couple of vodka sodas put me in quite the generous mood…I started inviting people to our wedding. Made them swear they’d save the date. Oops...